We Do Have Choice: Reclaiming Inner Authority

I remember feeling so out of place sitting in that classroom. One of thirty trapped inside a sterile room behind tiny desks lined up in neat rows, waiting to absorb a curriculum handed down through a homogenized system that left little room for the uniqueness of each individual to emerge.

Having to ask permission to go to the bathroom, raise our hands to speak, follow dress codes, and fall into line, all while being graded on a standardized metric of what “success” looks like; this is not exactly an education system that is empowering inner authority and uniqueness.

I remember that at family gatherings I normally didn’t want to be hugged or touched. I only felt comfortable with specific people and felt overwhelmed when swarms of distant relatives would circle around me, trying to kiss my head and squeeze my cheeks. I still remember the way they smelled.

It may seem like these are “small things” and that’s just “the way it is,” but it’s in these moments that the weakening of inner authority starts to occur. It adds up.

When our sovereignty isn’t nurtured and empowered, when we aren’t asked or invited, when our yeses and nos aren’t honored, the inner authority begins to atrophy. It can get “stuck” in certain moments in space and time.

I know for me it kept going. I learned that what I desired didn’t matter and that to make others happy (without which I believed I would not be loved or supported), I had to put aside my own feelings and just do what they wanted.

This pattern gained a huge amount of momentum and has taken over a decade (and it’s still going around in the spiral) to unwind.

What has helped in this process? Having a map.

Human Design is a complex synthesis of different systems that gives a complete energetic map of humanity and all other life forms. At the same time, it’s also profoundly simple to experiment with and embody.

Of all the layers, the one that is really practical and supportive for bringing the decision-making process into the body is the very surface: Strategy and Authority.

In plain terms, it’s understanding the way that our unique energetic field is operating, how life is designed to meet us, and where we can trust in our own bodies to determine if something is for us or not.

It helps us ditch the pros and cons lists, stop outsourcing our lives to friends and family, and start to anchor into what is dependable: our connection to our own Truth.

The mind develops strategies to try to protect our vulnerable parts; our weakened Inner Authority. If the way we are designed to operate gets overridden for years, decades, or more, it takes time to bring it back online.

There’s no rush. It’s one step at a time.

Often the entry point looks like clearing away what isn’t feeling aligned. If we are investing our energy into things that do not feel satisfying or where there isn’t recognition, how can what’s actually for us find us? How can we recognize when it’s calling?

And the more we are engaged with people or situations that don’t feel aligned for us, the louder the protector mind gets, trying to cling to its strategies while the Inner Authority remains quiet.

We bring it back little by little. The map of Human Design gives signposts that help us calibrate. Where can we create a little space? And in that space, what if instead of immediately looking to fill it, we wait to see what comes?

Maybe it’s rest. Maybe it’s self-care. Maybe it’s learning something new. There is no way to know until you live it.

I know for me, my life needed a complete upheaval. I met Human Design at my Saturn Return, right after being initiated into addiction recovery, and everything was inside out and upside down. This map helped me not only see and accept my True Nature, but also recognize the stories of the mind while exploring the shadows and bringing back wisdom.

I learned (and am still learning) how to not be moved by these stories, but to have compassion and patience with them while doubling down on the connection with my Inner Authority.

I know others for whom it’s not so drastic. It’s more of a gradual peeling back, a reset or a recalibration. It can be either extreme and everywhere in between, and life will never give you anything you’re not ready for.

As we begin to strengthen our Inner Authorities, the mind also begins to relax. These protector parts really don’t want to be working so hard; they just think they have no choice. The more we help them see that there is another way, the more we experiment with little things and look to the body to make decisions, the more everything begins to come back into balance.

Unlike what many of us were taught in school, there is no standardized metric for success. It’s a feeling, a state. In this process of reconnecting with our Inner Authorities, beginning to build a trusting relationship and letting the body lead, we have the opportunity to be guided into a life that gives personal meaning to Success and Satisfaction.

In other words, we get our life.